Let me let you in on a “little secret”.

secret

 I’m a big, fat guy.

340519816_E_discovery_shocked_face_xlarge

I know…you’re shocked.  I’ll give you a moment to compose yourself.

shocked-cat

There, there…I know that was shocking to read but this might get a little worse to read in a minute.  So hold on to your panties and get ready because I’m gonna let you all in on a weird part of my life.

I’m addicted to food.

Food-Addiction

And yes… that might be a bad thing.

shake

I wake up wanting to only drink my protein shake and pack my healthy lunch and snacks while whistling a happy tune walking out my front door but I’ll blink my eyes and before I know it…

I have 4 waffles smeared with either Nutella or peanut butter or 5 eggs mixed with ham, cheese and other goodies with a side of toast.

bbft

I’ll pack my lunch and eat it with no issues but might find myself stopping by the Wal-Mart deli for a $1 corn dog or burritos.  I’ve even driven out of my way to hit up Quick Trip or Race track for their 2 for 2 specials with my much-needed gas money.

10-QT_bacon-cheese-dog

So instead of using the extra 2-3 dollars on the fuel for my truck that gets me back and forth to work, my dumb ass is using it to buy food that I really don’t need.

I’m not gonna lie… I’m weak, my discipline is for shit and I really need help.

My wife and I have been talking about the needed changes that I NEED to make a lot lately and I know what needs to be done but I’m scared.

I’m scared that I’m going to mess up again and gain more of the weight back.

I’m scared that I’m going to injure myself again and get sidelined … again.

I’m afraid of not showing any signs of improvement.

And oddly enough,

I’m afraid of letting everyone down … again.

I know that weight loss is supposed to be done for you, but for some odd reason I just can’t get out of my own way right now.  I’ve lost 150 pounds in 3 years but this past year I have gained back 50 pounds.  My goal is to lose the 50 pounds that I gained back by the end of this school year.  I know that it can be done and I just have to get my mind out of the buffet and get my ass in gear.

Wish me luck!!!

This week I will be adding an extra 2 days of walking in the afternoon for my much-needed cardio.

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